Submitted by Yardbroom
At this Easter time when we are in a reflective mood, perhaps it is appropriate for us to focus our attention to a kind of unjustified suffering, often endured in silence.
Only recently there were “allegations” of domestic violence in an upscale area in Barbados. The incident was widely reported on the blogs, but the focus of attention was not on the allegation, but on other issues as a result of the incident. What do we mean by domestic violence, it can be a “general term to describe a range of behaviour often used by one person to control and dominate another with whom they have, or have had, a close or family relationship.” The event to which I earlier referred was so well documented that I seek not to revisit it, but to look at the general issue of domestic violence in Barbadian society. I am not suggesting that domestic violence is particular to Barbadian society, or Barbadians are so disposed, I am simply suggesting that it does exist and should be addressed.
There are many women who suffer in silence – and a few men – as a result of intimidation through the violence of their partners. The efforts to control through physical strength and mental intimidation is a heavy burden for our sisters, daughters and mothers to endure, and it can have a ripple effect on their children and also influence how those children interact with the broader society. The children of such a domestic environment can repeat the behaviour patterns which they have witnessed; in time this can effect how they interact with females, not only in a relationship but even at their place of work, particularly those in junior positions.
A caring society looks after its members, particularly those who are perceived at a moment in time …as vulnerable. The attitude of might, because I am in a position to exercise it, cannot be right and has no place in a modern equitable society. Society can only change when it changes itself, but change only comes about when behaviour is identified as unacceptable and strategies are adopted to effect change. The first step in that process is examining the behaviour itself and the causes of such behaviour.
It is easy to shy away from difficult issues but face them we must to make a better society.
17 responses so far ↓
Undertaker // March 25, 2008 at 7:37 AM
I went Bushy Park yesterday, man and his girlfriend has a big quarrel and cussout (only she was cussing) she gave him a hard slap in his face and his friends laughed at him, she told him don’t play big that she will deal with him when he got home. Both men and women suffer from domestic violence. When people can’t get along they need to find a way to just pull away in the early stages of a relationship.
PiedPiper // March 25, 2008 at 11:28 AM
I believe that domestic violence in Barbados has not been properly addressed by the relevant authorities. Women in Barbados tend to stay in abusive relationships a lot longer than they should due to the fact that there are limited resources to assist them in leavng the abusive partner. If government is not prepared to designate funds for Women’s Shelters, financial assistance, subsidized housing and education/training, many of these women have no where to go, let alone imagine being self- sufficient.
In West Indian culture, there still is an underlying belief that the man of the house has the right to physically discipline his children as well as his spouse and The Police seem to have the same mind set. I know of many instances where the Police were called in Barbados to domestic violence and they did absolutely nothing. Perhaps a few words with the man of the house asking him to behave but no charges laid.
Without the government launching a campaign to educate people about the evils of domestic abuse or the Police toughening up there stance on the perpetrators of domestic abuse, I don’t expect that anything will change soon.
Tony Hall // March 25, 2008 at 12:13 PM
PiedPiper,
I agree that the authorities in Barbados over the years have not adequately addressed domestic violence. I also noticed you mentioned that the Police need to do more. The Poilce’s hands are tied to a certain extent. Picture this scenario: A woman is accustomed being beaten by her man on a regular basis. The Police is called by her if on a particular occasion he beats her badly. The woman when asked if she wants medical attention will say that she will seek her own medical attention. She will then be asked if she wants to take legal action against the man. Her reply in most instances is that she wants him WARNED. Let us say she persues the matter and it reaches the court. When the hearing comes she tells the magistrate the she and her man have made up and she does not want to take any further action. I have seen instances where the woman turned around and cuss the Police (not literally) telling them that they want to break up she and her man. Unless a person suffers grievous bodily harm the Police cannot do much. Don’t blame the Police. Blame the lack of resources that the state has failed to provide.
iWatchya // March 25, 2008 at 12:47 PM
Domestic abuse is perpetrated all over the developing world.
Just watch Tru TV. I remember one case where the police were so fed up visiting a house, that they actually had to admonish the woman for not pressing charges. (It was their seventh visit for the same domestic abuse problem).
I would suggest that when the police are called, they must make a report. The report would then trigger a court appearance and mandatory counselling for both parties.
If it is deemed that the situation is destructive and cannot be resolved, then further assistance must be offered to the victim of the abuse and the requisite legal restraints put in place to protect the victim.
Of course, there is only so much you can do when a free society.
David // March 25, 2008 at 10:17 PM
Domestic abuse can fall into the same category as family matters. The court system and ancillary services in Barbados to support these two fall woefully short in the twenty first century. Certainly in the case of domestic violence it speaks to a deep rooted issue where an attempt should be made to treat and or negotiate to the issues as a requirement to enter the 21st century.
Yardbroom // March 26, 2008 at 6:12 AM
The domestic violence of which I wrote is symptomatic of many things in our society, of course these issues are not exclusive to Barbados. However it serves no purpose to make the point that these things happen all over the world etc.
In issues of morality where no excessive expenditure is required, there is no reason why Barbados should not stand tall. To suggest that because it is done in other countries, that is reason to deny ourselves the moral fibre to act, is an argument which cannot be reasonaby sustained.
We should not allow those who seek to influence, push us down the path of each for himself.
Over recent years it has become the norm, for those who take a moral stance on issues to be shouted down, as a result people think it prudent to stay silent rather than invite the opprobrium of others whose laxity is self evident by the way they conduct their lives.
They worship at the altar of everything goes just one more dollar, in the mistaken belief that regardless of how that dollar is achieved, it will solve all their problems, it generally does not.
Criticize as you may the old, but the foundation set by past generations of Barbadians is what has allowed the relative tranquillity we enjoy today. It is true mistakes were made by our fathers and grandfathers and some things could have been addressed differently, but within the confines of the society in which they were closely circumscribed, they bequethed to us a modicum of peace and stability, to demolish it and allow an imperceptible slide into decay will serve no purpose.
We need to revisit our roots and culture which allowed older people to speak and be heard – that is a culture some do not wish to hear of despite their stance of promoting our culture – it is a culture which expects old ladies to board ZRs for example and not be overwhelmed by a school scrum, as I saw recently.
This endemic laxity prevents teachers from being able to teach, because “some”young children have another agenda as a result generations are therefore loss to a positive influence.
It was recently reported in the Nation News in reference to HIV/AIDS treatment for foreigners that a parlimentarian said – this is not political please do not interpret as such – “… in our society we accept having more than one partner”
Do we really “accept” such behaviour in our society? Many couples married and unmarried do not accept such behaviour. There are reasons for domestic violence but near the top of the list is jealousy, this statement underscores the point I am making, laxity is becoming common place and accepted.
When you see a society go through a metamorphosis before your eyes in a short period and not for the better, it is wise to speak out, even if it appears you are shouting in the wind.
It has not got to be so and we delude ourselves in thinking it has to be.
The smallest child can make a difference, if he is brave enough to put his finger in the dyke.
peltdownman // March 26, 2008 at 10:52 AM
Well said, Yardbroom!
David // March 27, 2008 at 6:45 AM
The big question as always Yardbroom et al is who will lead the charge. The Church, the school, NGOs a combo? The big problem seems to us that no one entity has taken charge of the role of leading on issues of morality since the disestablishment of the Church.
Ian Bourne // March 27, 2008 at 6:56 AM
Two things – the photo does not show the bruise very well; next – BFP has a very sad but interesting case of rape between spouses and current (archaic) Barbadian law
Citizen First // March 27, 2008 at 7:28 AM
Does anyone have any numbers derived from good sociological research on the scale of the problem of domestic abuse in Barbados?
What is it correlated with? While correlation does not mean causation, this is usally a good way to start the search for solutions.
SISTER BABY // March 27, 2008 at 8:09 AM
Women stay in abusive relationships all over the world, Guyana, USA, Barbados because of lack of opportunity in most countries, plus remember the judges, policemen and relevant authorities are all men, do when a woman goes to report a man for abuse most likely the case is not taken seriously. So that is why women do not press charges because the abuser can come back and kill her, since the system tneds to favour men.
Yardbroom // March 27, 2008 at 8:36 AM
David
The problem we have at the moment is that people are being cowed into silence in Barbados. On almost every issue, it does not matter how mundane it is, citizens often have to think, what will people of influence think of their comments, because almost every thing seems to have a political dimension.
Honest and decent people and there are plenty of them in Barbados… through self-preservation
shake their heads and have to walk away.
In that situation people who are malicious, vindictive and live by the culture ” we will teach him/her a lesson” hold sway.
I observe this situation with sadness, I can only conclude, that some people who should know better are mentally only an arm’s length away from a hoe, the users of which they despise and whose occupation they forever seek to distance themselves from, but their vendetta of viciousness and spite to teach people a lesson -who do not grovel in subservience – only confirms an original opinion of them and reinforces it.
They have become slaves to their own importance and their only ambition in life is that others should see them as what they are not.
Achievement in Barbados is often not because of, but in spite of and as a nation we are the poorer for it.
There is a link between outlandish things masquerading as our culture, drugs, domestic violence, guns, money at all costs, a lack of respect for the vulnerable, and if something is unacceptable saying it is so to court favour, as we try to convince ourselves how right we are.
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Mark Fenty Sr // May 14, 2009 at 7:45 PM
Domestic violence is and issue that still need to be address in Barbados, however, i think that many of the major cases in recent years has brought the issue to the appropriate authority attension. Both men and women suffer to some degree from domestic violence, women to a greater degree than men, but any abuse even if it is physical, verbal or sexual is unacceptable.
When you live in a society where this kind of behaviour becomes the norm,what kind of messages are you sending the younger generation, when i grew up in Barbados in the seventies and part of the eighties, this was the common practices, i even saw it in my own family. So government need to implement stronger law that would served as a deterent to this kind of behaviour.
Anonymous // August 4, 2009 at 11:24 PM
I know first hand that lots of women would leave if they had a safe place to go. It is hard especially if you have children. Many time you are told by these men that they will find you, and you can’t leave them. You are afraid. You study even if I get to leave this house, he knows where you work. What can you do.
Master J Robertson B.N.M.A. // August 28, 2009 at 12:08 PM
as a martial arts instructor teaching many courses and seminars on womens self defence and violence against women there are so many issues not fully explored and this leaves so many women ill prepared and informed and totally unable to make informed decisions as to the steps they can and should take.so many women have said to me they want the violence to stop but they just cannot see the man?? yes man they love thrown into prison or criminalised. mostly the reason for this is the overwhelming fear of further and often much worse violence. it is as if we in our supposed balanced and more civilised society are blind to the very real plight these women are in. there is NEVER any excuse or reason for a man to use violence or the threat of it against a woman and our laws should provide the protection that women need. so many research articles highlight the seriousness of domestic violence not just on the women but also on children who’s lives can be so terribly blighted and who can themselves grow up to become abusive partners.where police are called repeatedly to a domestic situation it should be mandatory that the male perpertrator is removed from the family unit and that the necassary steps taken to prevent his behaviour recurring, even if this means a prison sentance. even in first time police involvement the man should be removed and referred to counselling at his expense to correct his totally abhorrent actions.so often our laws protect the law breaker with very little if any concern for the victim. it is time we as a society stood up and said no more this must end and that men who use violence should pay for their actions.