Submitted by Yardbroom
My attention was drawn to a report in the Nation News by Julia Rawlins-Bentham 8-18-2009; in which she stated that a survey on Domestic Violence by the Caribbean Development Research Services (CADRES) will be made known later this week. Perhaps it is unwise to write a submission before statistics are available, as the opinions formed could be undermined by the survey. However, I have taken the view that domestic violence is not country specific and have used statistics available in England as necessary. With or without a survey domestic violence is always topical, and regardless of any information gained from the survey or decisions taken as a result…domestic violence is likely to be with us for a long time.
It has been said that: “one in four women will suffer domestic violence and one in six men.” (National Centre for domestic violence:UK) I would add a note of caution in interpreting these figures as no indication was given of the degree of violence which had to be used before the violence became part of the statistics…although some might say that is not a necessary pre-requisite.
In this submission how is Domestic Violence characterised:…” it is a pattern of repeated abuse by the same perpetrator. Its only when repeated incidents are reported and recorded that a complete picture of the extent of domestic abuse becomes more evident. Also, many victims of domestic violence are reluctant to disclose the abuse they experienced in face to face interviews”… (Jackie Barron, Research & Policy Officer at Womens Aid)
“Criminologist (1) Estimate that domestic violence statistics are 140% higher than those stated in the British Crime Survey which only records a maximum of five crimes per person.”
The vast majority of perpetrators of domestic violence are men, who deliberately use abusive behaviour to control their partners and former partners. Without labouring the point men can and are also abused.
Although I have focused on Domestic Violence, brevity dictates only a short mention can be made of “domestic abuse,” sexual abuse I will address later.
“Domestic violence is a hidden crime why?
(1) Partners or ex-partners may be frightened.
(2) They may think it was a one-off event.
(3) They may feel they were to blame.
(4) They might feel ashamed.”
Due to the above they are likely to experience repeated attacks.
Almost everyone has a view on Domestic Violence and the general public is often severe in its condemnation of the victim. “Why doesn’t she just leave him? Why does he put up with that? What they fail to understand is that those who live amidst verbal, physical, psychological abuse is what binds them to the abusive relationship…how do you end the cycle of abuse. The abused partner must be able to identify their options and find workable solutions.”
Some of the effective strategies advanced for breaking the cycle are:
(a) Figuring out if you can fix the relationship, change it, make it better.
(b) Decoding if you should end the relationship, leave your partner.
(c) How can you exit to ensure your long-term safety and well being.
In exiting a relationship for some ethnic groups, the problems seem almost insurmountable. Religious and cultural pressures or being afraid of rejection from their own community, if they disclose the abuse or ask for help. They can be censored within the community if they contact the Police. It is incumbent on the various support agencies to understand the “dynamics” involved when Religious and Cultural issues must considered but…sensitivity does not mean an abdication of their duties.
For those who with a touch of arrogance are tempted to say that sort of behaviour does not affect our class. “Evidence would suggest that domestic violence is spread rather evenly through many societies, and is not a respecter of social positions, educational achievement or religious faith.”
How are children affected by domestic violence/abuse?
“The majority of children witness the violence that is occurring, and in 90% of cases they are in the same or next room” (Hughes, 1992). Children can witness the abuse in many ways, caught in the middle of an incident, “hear the abuse” see their mothers physical injuries, following violence not allowed to play”. As a result they can experience both short and long term cognitive behavioural and emotional effects.”
I have mentioned the physical injuries children can see, but what about the changes in their household which are also evident as a result of “Domestic Abuse” and “Sexual Abuse”. The undermining of self-esteem, constant unfavourable comparison with others, be it dress, financial management, social behaviour, background, physical appearance, or a lack of educational attainment. Some or all of these factors can cause behavioural changes which can lead to an unhappy emotional state.
Perhaps more extreme – some might disagree – is “sexual abuse which is often a component of Domestic Violence for example; partners and former partners may use force, threats or intimidation to engage in sexual activity, they may taunt or use degrading treatment related to sexuality, force the use of pornography, or force their partner to have sex with other people. Rape and sexual assault are crimes, whether or not they take place within marriage or between partners or ex-partners.”
In professional circles shame, financial constraints, and a loss of personal standing keeps women in check and prevents the seeking of assistance. It is of major importance therefore for Law enforcement agencies to use “sensitivity” to those brave enough to come forward seeking assistance. They should also take cognizance of the “dynamics” involved in Domestic Violence and thus ensure that support mechanisms are quickly engaged.
It is by quick and diligent action the cycle can be broken, and the silent voices of anguish will be listened to, when they have summoned the courage to speak.
Barbados Underground 
Like moths to a flame, posters and commenters gravitate to every thread the blog administrator decides to publish. Some persons come to vent, others to stroke their ego. Where is the meaningful action that follows the words.
Barbados like people who can “talk”.
And there is our problem. We operate as NATO-(No Action Talk Only)
Advice : Action speaks
We see domestic violence as partners hitting each other but from the people I have had to counsell, ladies style of domestic violence is worst than the men. A woman will give the man the silent treatment for one or two weeks or even longer. She might with-hold sexual encounters, even refuses to cook, wash or do anyother thing that she would usually do. It is not that a woman has to cook or wash for her partner but if she usually does it but then stops because of some little issue, that can irritate a man. Sometimes she may even go on the phone and pretend to be talking to another man.All these are incedences that were brought up to me when there is a dispute betwwen partners. A man will react violently but the woman is the silent killer.
When we hear the term ‘domestic violence’ automatically we concentrate on ‘spousal abuse’ only but the word ‘domestic’ means of the home or family; so therefore anyone living under the same roof can be a victim.
Domestic violence is a pervasive social problem and while no single personality trait has been established to identify the cause for such erratic behaviour, most perpretrators tend to have an anti-social personality disorder which tends to impairs their ability to feel guilt or remorse, hence the repeated action.
One of the solutions if for the offender to acknowledge his/her short-comings and seek professional help, be it marriage counsellor, the church, officer of the law.
The Bureau of Gender Affairs in collaboration with the Min. of Social Transformation provides assistance for victims of abuse I think.
“Let’s make love not war.
Bro Scout,
I prefer to use de ‘silent’ treatment as opposed to de ‘holding-back’ because we both suffer in that instance.(teehee)
The Bureau of Gender Affairs is a WOMAN”S organisation. The name has been changed but the concept remians the same, they cater MAINLY to women. In fact they are some members/staff there that I consider MAN HATERS.
I once walked into a very close friend of mine house, there he was with his wife and twelve year old daughter watching a blue movie. This shocked me, when I admonished hin on it, his reaction is that the girl is old enough , she would watch it at one of her friends and he wouldn’t know. To me that is serious child abuse. This is a high society family I’m talking about.
Scout, I have never heard such unmitigated crap in my life. You “counsell” (sic) people? To define the silent treatment or with holding of affection, sexual or otherwise, as being domestic abuse, beggars belief. Many women and men, when angry or disappointed with their spouses behavior or actions choose to demonstrate their unhappiness by emotionally distancing themselves for a period of time. This is a far, far better approach than verbal or physical confrontation or assault. Just ask the late Martin Luther King. I surely hope you don’t get paid for your “counselling”.
Bro Scout,
Ya lie, I don’t believe you about the Movie. I shudder to think of such a happening. Lord look down.
Some can have children and some Shouldn’t. There are too many shouldn’t that are having children much to the detriment of the child.
Scout I would make my lil sport here and pass a joke on BU, but when it comes to my little ones, Bonny DON’T mek na kinda sport at all. I would behead a fella just for them.
Child abuse is worse than any other form of abuse to my mind.
Paedophilia is another sick sick form of abuse too. That is why I don’t let nobody come cuddling up my lil uns. I know dat I would ‘go up’fa life.
Bro Scout,
“The Bureau of Gender Affairs is a woman’s organisation”
Well boy, all I can say is dat ‘de names have been changed to protect de innocent’.
Doan laff.
The usual moths have gravitated to the thread with their usual dribble and when this one is done, they move on like flying ants (termites).
Mongoose
You’ve missed the point, I’m not saying that physical abuse is O.K of better; any type of abuse is bad wrong. What I’m saying that things likewhat I’ve mentioned are subtle forms of abuse that do a lot of damage, Experts will tell you the worst form of child abuse is to constantly tell that child negative things about themselves. This is embedded within the child’s mind and it is difficult motivate that child, sometimes it leads to suicide. I still believe if you sit a child down and counsell the child before you discipline that child, whether it is a few lashes, it is better than calling the child awhful names.
B.P
Only if you know the level of domestic abuse that exist in Barbados and it is not only among the lower level of society. You may see some high society couple parading in public was the “loving couple” but behind closed doors the scene is totally different. Child abuse is on the rise in Barbados, including sexual abuse of girls and boys by family members, sometimes even a parent. I said parent because both sexes abuse their children. That is why, like you, I was very protective of my children when they were young. Even to this day although they are now adults, I prefer you do me something bad than any of my family. I can go off the rocker for any member of my family but walk away if it happens to me. Abuse in Barbados is very bad but a lot of it is swept under the carpet.
Many years ago at a meeting, a Child Care Board officer related a case that enfuriated me. A lady got into a bus with a young baby, a man offered to hold the baby for her while she was standing in the aisle. Soon after the baby started to cry but the mother assumed that it was because it was in strange hands. Sometime after she got a seat and ask that the child, who was still crying, be passed to her. In her amazement she saw a blood spot on the diaper, when she investigated she found out that the man, and not a young man either, was interfering with the baby. The driver of the bus drove into the police station and the young lady reported the incedent. This old pervert admitted that he was using his finger to penetrate the baby’s vagina. If i was on that bus I would have beateb that old man to a pulp.
The Scout is correct. Abuse in all concoctions is rampant in Barbados. The Child Care Board in our view is not equipped to adequately respond to the situation. The Police Force which is often the first call by people being abused is woefully short of the skills and our court system is still skewed to matters of a criminal kind in the year 2009.
Barbados cannot hope to move towards first world status if we don’t manage the mechanisms to respond to the silent cry of people who are being abused.
Domestic violence covers a wide range of very complex issues, and knows no barrier when it comes to class structure, socio/economic or otherwise.
As it relates to man/woman, it can become very emotive, with each side holding to their respective positions, bearing in mind, that men and women, view this world from an entirely different prism, this is a fact, as we were created different, physically, biologically, and emotionally, to compliment each other, not compete with each other, BUT, when sin entered through Adam and Eve, the entire purpose that God created us for, was devastatingly altered, the rest is history.
Both men and women are in crisis, going after each other for the wrong reasons, hence the fallout, domestic violence, etc, etc, is the result of this, marriages fail, children suffer terribly, and the cycle continues, which Satan loves, as the very core strength of any society, is a stable, cohesive, family unit, fracture and destroy the family ‘unit’ and the entire social structure starts to crumble, resulting in so many dysfunctional people.
Bro Scout,
Don’t mind that rat-catcher Mongoose, there’s such a thing as mental abuse. I’ve used it myself. The thinking behind it is, ‘if I can’t get you one way, I’ll get you another’. You can call it sweet revenge.
President,
You included Klown.
David, I begging fa my accolades too nah. Cuh dear.
Right on,
Ya spot on.
Now we know what domestic violence is, we know the causes and the effects. Next we have to tackle is the solutions.
We need to be educated via audio or visual programmes on a regular basis.
“Bajan Patsy’ was a fitting example of ‘a woman abused’. I saw her at the hospital one day and she was so badly mutilated that my heart cried for her. When I asked her why she wouldn’t leave her boyfriend, John d’ Baptist, she laughed and told me some nonsense. She was killed a few weeks after her discharge from hospital. I wonder if these people don’t have family that care for them or they just give up on them.
I don’t think that there’s such a great amount of love going on in this world that a person should be subjected to this sort of dog treatment. Gimme a break. Love my big toe. Ya gotta love yaself first.
Often in trying to solve problems, we have ask to why and how.
In most domestic issues with regard to violence or abuse, Barbados has particular problems, not because Barbados is worse than other societies, but the smallness of our society, at times advantageous can also work against us.
Most professional people in a certain bracket know each other, if not as friends or acquaintances know of them. When something goes awry, there is a reluctance to take a principled stand, for fear of personal repercussions.
This fear allows the guilty to go unpunished, often without censure far less legal involvement.
In other classes people often hear the refrain “mind your own business” and the guilty have no fear of punishment or censure.
The victims will have to pay a heavy price for seeking redress, but in order for society to change, a few will have to pay that price. We should support them in their efforts, often in the knowledge…that the violence/abuse has become unbearable.
No one has any right to commit physical violence on another person; especially a man against a women, or against children.
However, women do have many ways of literally antagonizing, agitating, and anonying men, driving them to loose their cool, and last out in voilence, though the man’s reaction can never be justified, only the Lord could refrain from hitting some of them, this is the hard reality of many domestic violence situations.
I thank God for many a mother and grandmother, without which, many of us men would not be alive.
However, after a long lifetime of experience, observation, and interaction with women, generally speaking, I have finally come to the rational conclusion, that ‘most’ women, are, miserable, moodly, manipulative, deceitful bitches, you just CANNOT please a women; and in recent times, many are ‘whores’ using their bodies, be they wives, girlfriends, or just using men to get what they want materialistically.
It has been said by women, that all men are ‘dogs’ well, then all women are ‘bitches’ as you cannot have a dog without a bitch, for where ever you find a dog in a neighbourhood, there IS a horney bitch! You cannot have one without the other!
SE you very acid soul!!!!!!
SE
Have you ever hear about the chinese torture, which considered as one of the worst forms of abuse? It’s putting the person in a fixed position as allowing water to drop slowly on one spot of you head continuously, this can set the person mad. We think that lashing out and kicking and cutting up is the only true form of abuse but subtle abuse can be very devastating. I know of a case where a husband and wife got a divorce and she got the house, the ex-husband was then living in a old wooden house coming down from a beautiful executive house. The ex-wife and her new man used to drive pass his house everyday slowly in the new man big ride, while he had to catch bus to get to work. His files on the desk mounted until he ended up in the Mental Hospital. Today he is in Ch Ch graveyard, after a massive heart attack. That was mental abuse that triggered the stress which in turn brought on his condition and heart attack. There are many people walking around today with smiles on their faces but hurt in their heart because of abuse most of it domestic.
The got some people that come on to this blog that real jealous of BU. Ask the Advisor to the President.
Go on BFP and complain about it; you wasting your time complaining here. Tell the world on all the other blogs so they can come and see for themselves.
Scout not only correct, he got it “down-packed”.
That contribution by Simple Enough, although acid as JC said, he is really speaking about the strength of the woman.
I have always argued that to focus on the violence of men and leave this aspect of women unchecked because she ain’t hitting anybody will not resolve the problem. I don’t care how much legislation you have, a relationship between a man and a woman takes 2.
All the legislation will do is criminalise the man and allow the woman to walk free. By any standard, we fooling ourselves.
Bro Scout,
Sometimes these stories seem so surreal that I have to shake my head.
If a marriage is resolved, isn’t the property shared accordingly? Maybe he found her with the beautiful executive house. No way could she be sole beneficiary. She would’ve had to pay him his dues if she opted to keep the house. She driving by with new man in posh car, we have to get pass these things man.
Scout, sometimes it is more in the mortar dan de pestle.
I would advise persons to be very wary of building on spouse’s family land or ‘adding’ on to spouse’s family home. Many a man/woman get unfaired in such situations. Every thing is honky-dory when everyone is living good and happy but when things turn around, you usually end up the loser.
Simple Enough,
Ya got ma crying. I glad a nuff dat I in in dat ‘most’ women, bosey.
Seriously though, it isn’t good to generalise. Both sexes are guilty of all that you just accused de ‘deceitful bitches’ of. I know some men that are confuse as cunt boy. Na joke. So your argument can apply to either or.
Ya mek ma laff still.
@Scout
“The ex-wife and her new man used to drive pass his house everyday slowly in the new man big ride, while he had to catch bus to get to work. His files on the desk mounted until he ended up in the Mental Hospital.”
This demonstrates what I was saying. First the woman took a serious chance because rather than go mad or to his grave over it, another man would have preferred to go by the hangman’s noose. Or even do it and go insane and then to the mental.
First I doubt that I would have found myself in that position and if I did, she could have passed and slowed down 3 million times, I was not going mad after material or a woman, joke. She would have to be going mad with me and I was not going mad even if she was.
but people do have dispositions. As I said, the danger is in not dealing with both parties… but I see that the magistrates and judges are waking up because some not singling out the man for all the blame at all, they sending the women for counselling too and placing responsibility on them not to aggravate the situation in making the orders.
@Bonny Peppa
“If a marriage is resolved, isn’t the property shared accordingly? ”
If there is only one property what can you do, cut it in half? Somebody would stay and somebody would go. If there are children, the justice system may not allow the property to be sold because that may leave the children in the street or create hardship. Even giving the man the car may be seen as creating hardship for the children getting to school, etc., especially if they were accustomed to that standard.
I am not sure what period Scout is referring to, but you know that in the past the woman and children would get everything and the man would just have to walk away.
ROK
Systems are in place that each party will get what is rightfully theirs, children included. No system can’t put a man out to dry while the woman goes smiling all the way to the bank. His contribution and hers will weigh in the balance and justice will be served.No court can’t order no man out in the cold and wifey and kids benefit big time. It don’t work so unless he signed a prenuptial agreement. ‘Come with nothing, leave with less’.
It don’t work so.
@Bonny Peppa
“Systems are in place that each party will get what is rightfully theirs, children included.”
Bonny, I wish it was that straightforward. You see Scout’s example? One thing I would say about the system is that where there are children, they come first over husband or wife.
The problem is that the courts in the past would always give the children to the mother. Now, if it was a case of the father getting the children, the woman would have to go through the door too and I know of some cases where that happened.
I know of a family where the children grew up with father alone and mother was never around. The father won custody of the children and she simply had to go her merry way. So it is not a case of simply unfairing the man but by construction (de facto) the man got unfaired.
A good, honest, caring, well balanced woman, is worth her weight in gold; but, they are few and far between.
Now, all of us are sinners, and fall short of the glory of God, (Rom. 3:23).
But, in His Word, the Bible, God warns men about the Harlot woman, which fits many a woman today, out ‘fuh’ ya, one way or the other, ‘MONEY’!!!
Listen to the wisdom of God’s Word.
“Say unto wisdom, Thou are my sister; and call understanding thy kinswoman:” (Why?)
“That they may keep thee from the strange woman, from the stranger that flattereth with HER mouth.”
“Passing through the street near her corner; and he went the way to her house. In the twilight, in the evening, in the black and dark of night. And, behold, there met him a woman with the attire of an harlot, and SUBTLE in heart. She is STUBBORN; her feet abide not in her house. Now she is without, now in the streets, and lieth in wait at every corner. So she caught him, and kissed him, and with an impudent face said unto him, I have peace offerings with me; this day I payed my vows. Therefore, came I forth to meet thee, diligently to seek thy face, and I have found thee.”
“I have decked my bed with coverings of tapestry, with carved works, with fine linen of Egypt. I have purfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon, Come, let us take our fill of love until the morning; let us so lace ourselves with loves.” (Prov. 7: 4-5; 8-18).
Note: That her man, (goodman) is away from home!
“For the goodman is not at home, he is gone a long journey; He hath taken a bag of money with him, and will come home at the day appointed. With her MUCH fair speech she caused him to YIELD, with the FLATTERING of her lips she FORCED him. He goeth after her straightway, as an Ox goeth to the slaughter, or as a FOOL to the correction of the stocks. Till a dart strike through his liver as a bird hasteth to the snare, and knoweth not that it is for his life.” (vv. 19-23).
Let us hear God speak and warn men against such women.
“Hearken unto Me now therefore, O ye children, and attend to the words of My mouth. Let not thine heart decline to HER ways, go not astray in HER paths. For SHE hath cast down many wounded: yea, many strong men have been slain by HER. Her house is the way to HELL, going down to the chambers of death.” (vv. 24-27).
Today, more than ever before, this wisdom from God’s Word, still holds true, with the god of materialism, (Satan) men and women are in terrible crisis, BUT, it is always the woman doing the ‘tempting’ teasing, aluring, the man, and men so foolish, they go in their macho EGO, believing that they are BIG men, BIG FOOLS, as when these wicked women are finish wid ya, they laughing at ya, what a bunch of IDIOTS we are; but, the woman has always been the seducer, and they come in a variety of forms, from Bankers, right down the villiage whore!
Simple Enough,
Bonny is one of those ‘few’ women you described in your opening statement.
But tell me something, would you agree that there are men out there who are just as much whores as some women? They try to take a woman for all she’s worth then leave her and go on to another victim? If your answer is yes, then it shows that it is not good to generalise. Both sexes have good and bad. I still love my men passionately regardless. (ROK that was for your ears only)
Men tempt, tease and allure women too but because the way society is structured, a woman would be considered a whore if she made advances. What you think de ‘beach-bums’ do? And some of these fellas look so gooodddddddd in their cut off jeans and looking all buff. My lord, what a temptation. Some fall for it.So…………….
Thankfully for all its shortcomings, Barbados has one of the more progressive legislation to protect persons affected by violence in region. Over in Bahamas, they are still grappling with whether marital rape is a crime!! http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5hsbjqpyGwLU37xQqchkvfP1ICaGwD9A3I1O80
Gender violence information on Barbados/Caribbean is available. For your readers here is a article comparing interpersonal violence in Barbados, Trinidad & Jamaica. http://www.scielosp.org/pdf/rpsp/v24n6/a05v24n6.pdf
Bonny,
There is no question that there are men who are terrible, wicked, lawless, and also use women for their selfish ends, these end up as they deserve.
These ‘beach-bums’ who prostitute themselves, are a literal fraction of men in our soceity, and, there is a market, so-to-speak, out there in tourism with foriegn women just waiting to be propositioned, they come here looking for that!
The thrust of my point, is, that the ’emotional’ make-up, of the vast majority of women, which IS entirely different to how men are ‘wired’ up, makes them, far more miserable, moody, manipulative, and ‘bitchy’ and especially so, even more so now than decades before, with every one going after material possessions, hence, the commodity that a lot of women are ‘marketing’ is their ‘nu-nu’ at least the ‘whores’ at the Garrison, openly say and display what they are about, whereas, the educated women in offices, go about it in a more subtle way, you have to wine and dine them first, lots of expensive things up front, in order to get some of the same ‘pokey’, that IS WHORING, one way or the other!
Of course, there are still a few, good women, who don’t go for this, BUT, still end up being miserable, moody, bitches any way!
Simple enough
‘nu-nu’. Ain’t heard that word in eons. Still sound good.
Ya got ma crying.
But whether ‘beach-bums’ are a literal fraction or not, they are still the same whore as the woman up ‘bush hill’. I still don’t like to generalise because, both sexes are guilty of what you claim, whether women are in the majority or not.
If you’re in a steady relationship, you should be able to differentiate between a genuine spouse from a ‘money-grabber’. The mistake a lot of us are guilty of making is that MONEY can buy LOVE. It never has and never will.We make that mistake once too often, then when the person is ready to move on, you hear, ‘I gave her/him everything to make life comfortable and they still lef’ma. Because money cannot buy love. Simple. Both sexes are guilty of this. Whether one sex is more guilty than the other still makes it parallel to me.
Again, Bonny is one of the ‘few’. Some would say dat’s debatable.:)
I don’t know if the law in Britain has changed but sometime ago a friend of mine had words with his wife and left for work. when he returned, he was met by a police officer with a eviction order. All that man could have done was take a few things and move out. he had to go to court to get the remaining stuff he had in the house. Here in Barbados it happened to a man, he had words with his wife and went to bed. While sleeping , he was awaken by two policemen in his bedroom telling him to get up and get out of the house because his wife had reported that he threatened to kill her. This bajan man refused to leave but he was not arrested because the same wife asked them not to. B.P you talk about equal rights? When a man and his wife build a house together and both names are down as owners, already half is her. then if there are small children, especially girls, the wife would get custody. The wife can easily pay out the man because the mortgage is deducted from the sale price of the house, then all other expenses pertaining to the property is deducted, then the balance is divided in half. It is not finish their, then ex-husband then has to pay alimoney to the ex-wife and children. What is left for him. I had a friend in another caribbean country who this happened to, when it was over he recieved ten thousand E.C dollars as his portion while his ex-wife took the house; a very beautiful house in Cap Estate. I has to immediately fly down there and talked him out of commiting suicide, while some of his so-called “friends” were laughung at him.
Hi Scout,
The Britain and Barbados situations as you explained them.
Quote:” A friend in Britain had words with his wife and left for work when he returned, he was met by a police officer with a eviction order.”
You did not elaborate on what those words he had with his wife were. That is important in assessing the outcome and the act of the Police Officer according to Law.
For Example: Did your friend say I am going to kill you, if you are here when I return from work or, I am going to burn the house down. Has he threatened her in this way before. Has he got previous convictions for assault against his wife.
Matters are not as simple as they appear on the surface.
Barbados
Quote: “This bajan man refused to leave but he was not arrested because the wife asked them not to”.
In the absence of a complaint and no evidence of a crime having been committed the police had no alternative to act in a private dwelling.
On the surface the situations might appear the same, but they are not on the evidence you have produced. That is my opinion on the circumstances you have outlined…of course it is possible there is much more you have not stated.
Bro Scout,
I have first hand knowledge on divorce. Not mine, not yet at least, cause I got my eyes pun ROK, so ya never know. Ahemmmmmmm, any way, alimony is only paid if the wife is unable to work or never worked and the husband supported her all her life. In the event, he has to be able to maintain her.The children he will support and pay half of medical bills etc.
To be honest wid you Scout, I feel very strongly that men are at a disadvantage in the WORLD when it comes to child maintenance and custody. Some mothers unfit as hell but are given custody. A man has to go all out to prove her an unfit parent.
Bro Scout, there is always more in de mortar dan de pestle.
Persons always tell you what makes them look better or innocent in such situations.
Because you are on the outside looking in , you should always be very cautious in jumping to conclusions in these situations.
B.P
Most of these cases that I mentioned was not hearsay, it is from first hand evidence which I obtained from both parties and know of their financial status. In one case, the lady borrowed a large sum of money on the property, then filed for divorce a little while after. That money had to be repaid and she had it stashed. Sometimes it is the luck of the draw,a poor lawyer and/or a bias judge.
Yardman
As far as I know, the English guy and his wife had the normal man/woman, husband/wife quarrel, all I know is that the eviction order jump him serious, he didn’t expect such to happen.Then I was in Barbados and he was in Britain and a story has three side his side her side and then the truth.
I guess most of you have made comments are guys. And I’m not saying that men don’t get any abuse, but I’m a woman who have been abused and still get abuse even though I’m no longer with the husband.
You see many people suffer and never say anything because of shame and what others might say and think.
I had years of abuse and when I did fight back the one time I did, this man used it to his own advantage.
Now I’m seen as a crazy person begging him to leave me and my kid alone and he can say in court that I say things to him because I haven’t moved on with my life and he had with his.
The thing is when you had to suffer at the hands or with words of another, you want to be in peace.
The thing is my soon to be ex husband is not Bajan and he has no paper work here, he over stayed his time.
Yet he isn’t told he has to leave the island but can laugh that he can walk back in cause Bajans are just stupid. But I’ve been told that because of the colour of his skin, I can go to every Ministry as I have and nothing will be done.
So as a victim I have to be let down and feel abused by a system that can’t even help me as a citizen of my country.
For the victims sometimes abuse never stops so I have to move and run with my child for my own country can’t help and I have to take matters into my own hands to protect myself and my child, by telling no one where I’m going. Do any of you men think this is right? None of you would be laughing in my shoes.
@Lisa
I am very sorry to hear of your pain. However, your story seems far-fetched and rather puzzling. You have a lawyer? Well if you do, look for another one and one with experience.
Lisa
I too am in sympathy with you in your bad situation. May I suggest you seek the services of a proper attorney at law. No-one and I mean no-one who is a non-national, should be allowed to make life difficult for a bajan at home. that man can and will be deported once what you are saying is true.
we speak about abuse but try of law makers and others have a read o the book Judgements;mis-judgeents and Trials available on kindle..intresting turn of events ..esp for the womwn alghough doing wrong she has a strong will power to move on,but up to this date the man involved in the incident is still using this incident in the “law courts of Barbados” and we speak about prisioner reform?lol……